The Walking Dead Or Fear OF the Walking Dead… or Something Like That.

WHYYYYY?! Why am I doing this to myself? I hate horror. I hate gore. I hate zombies. I hate anything remotely scary. Especially if it gives me nightmares. 

ahhhhh

I have never watched THE WALKING DEAD or FEAR THE WALKING DEAD (DARLING FIANCE— chimes in with his all-knowing voice- it’s Fear OF the Walking Dead) WHATEVER. I have never watched these shows. Why? WHY? Because they give me horrific nightmares that keep me up for hours after my bleeding eyes have propped open running from those demons.

Darling fiance mumbles something ineligible after I shake him awake, something like mmmm rahummm ermmmm SNORRRRRREEEEE…. meanwhile, I’m shaking in my boots. I would prefer to be knocking boots…. but there he is… sawing wood till the dawn. And I’m FREAKING OUT!

SO….

I HAVE COME UP WITH REASONS WHY ZOMBIES WILL NEVER GET ME….

NUMBER 1.

BURN ZOMBIE BITCH BURN.

DEATH BY FIRE. Return to Satan from which you came you flesh eating blood sucking sack of death.

NUMBER 2.

For real… you dead now.

Blunt force trauma. YOU DEAD NOW… Fo’ Real. Right to the temple, you rotting carcass of maggot larvae.

NUMBER 3.

Bull Horns to your dome…. fester face.

Trained bulls to impale the zombie’s craniums with their gigantic bull horns.

Really….

I didn’t sleep for two years after watching the original Amityville Horror movie.

Wahhhhhhhhhh 😦

No, seriously, I’m still scared. I hope I sleep tonight. Hail Mary… full of grace…..!!!

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